Wow, it has been a while. Leave it to Charlton Heston to break my writers block, well not really block, but giving me the motivation. He will be missed. I feel a Heston marathon coming... ...or I may just give Touch of Evil a watch. Touch of Evil probably has the best opening shot in a movie ever. Long crane shot through this little town.
As far as movies go I have been stuck in 80s. LOL! No surprise there. I found an interesting flic called Looker. It is a Michael Crichton movie from 81, I think. Not really sure of the motivation, but this company is putting models into a computer program then killing them. The plastic surgeon gets caught in the mess and there is a gun that when you shot someone make you invisible to them. One of the things I like is the old 80s style computers. Wow, how life has changed in 20 years. Also I noticed that the women were not just getting bigger boobs when they were going to the plastic surgery.
I rediscovered Chuck Norris from my childhood. Lone Wolf McQuade,
I also saw Forced Vengeance. This movie is so bad, it is actually funny. The high light is the silhouetted fight scene that is shown at the beginning and in the middle of the movie. That was the best part, but really showing it twice. LOL! Not sure that I would recommend this, but if you got time to kill, it is pretty funny.
By the way, my favorite Chuck fact: "Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it."
Monday, April 7, 2008
Chuck Heston, 80s, Chuck Norris
Thursday, December 13, 2007
XMAS Alternatives for those who are burnt out on the norm...
I love Christmas movies as you can imagine, but after watching Christmas Vacation, Scrooged, and A Christmas Story (my favorites), so many times, I thought I would give a couple Xmas alternatives for those who are burnt out. Sick of all those TV made movies, the Classics, already watched It's A Wonderful Life this year, seen the favorites one too many times this season, try these!
Die Hard:
First let me say, YES it is a Christmas movie! Holiday party. Christmas time. Twinkies. Gun taped with holiday tape to the back of a bloody shoeless hero. What says Christmas better? What a ride! Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker! Let's not forget this classic that put Bruce Willis on the map. Also Die Hard 2 is a good follow up, when the original leaves you wanting more.
Jack Frost:
No not the Michael Keaton movie, the killer snowman version. There is nothing better than a white Christmas, except when the snow can turn on you! I love this movie. It has just the right amount of cheese. A hot Shannon Elizabeth before she hit it big in American Pie. By the way, where is the carrot? Watch the Shannon Elizabeth death scene and you will know what I am talking about. From the beginning, you will know what you are in for, they really set the tone for the whole film with Uncle Henry telling the story with the montage of a Xmas tree. Very creative. A true classic.
Silent Night Deadly Night:
For those of you that are sick of Xmas already, nothing says Christmas like a killer Santa Claus. Classic 80s fun. Great "death scenes". If you are about to snap because of the Christmas Chaos out there, take a deep breath and watch this instead.
Hope you enjoy these Christmas alternatives. Merry Christmas and Chappy Chanukah!
Die Hard:
First let me say, YES it is a Christmas movie! Holiday party. Christmas time. Twinkies. Gun taped with holiday tape to the back of a bloody shoeless hero. What says Christmas better? What a ride! Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker! Let's not forget this classic that put Bruce Willis on the map. Also Die Hard 2 is a good follow up, when the original leaves you wanting more.
Jack Frost:
No not the Michael Keaton movie, the killer snowman version. There is nothing better than a white Christmas, except when the snow can turn on you! I love this movie. It has just the right amount of cheese. A hot Shannon Elizabeth before she hit it big in American Pie. By the way, where is the carrot? Watch the Shannon Elizabeth death scene and you will know what I am talking about. From the beginning, you will know what you are in for, they really set the tone for the whole film with Uncle Henry telling the story with the montage of a Xmas tree. Very creative. A true classic.
Silent Night Deadly Night:
For those of you that are sick of Xmas already, nothing says Christmas like a killer Santa Claus. Classic 80s fun. Great "death scenes". If you are about to snap because of the Christmas Chaos out there, take a deep breath and watch this instead.
Hope you enjoy these Christmas alternatives. Merry Christmas and Chappy Chanukah!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Vacancy
I liked it. Wilson and Beckinsale are a separating couple unhappy after the loss of their child. On a long trip, Wilson takes the anticipated shortcut and the car, as always, breaks down. Of course, the only place to bed for the night is a no-tell motel. They soon discover the proprietors use the motel as a setting to make snuff films involving the guests. The whole movie is about trying to survive and escape… and may remind you of the The Hills Have Eyes (especially due to a network of tunnels). Amazingly, that’s all there is to tell. I will say that all the performances were good, and Beckinsale thankfully gave better than her average performance without wearing anything skin-tight.
Although the introduction of the loss of the couple's child was used to make us sympathize with the characters, it was never really developed in any manner. It was just a convenience that I found patronizing. Seriously, any past tragedy is soon forgotten when you're being chased by a murderer. I can hear it now, "Aaah! He sliced my arm! It reminds me of the time young Bobby scraped his elbow! Aaaiiieeee! He's trying to kill me!! I sure miss little Bobby." Another aspect of this argument is that a bad relationship probably wouldn't affect someone's request for help: "Someone help me! No, not you! We're still fighting!" But I give it 7 outta 10.
Although the introduction of the loss of the couple's child was used to make us sympathize with the characters, it was never really developed in any manner. It was just a convenience that I found patronizing. Seriously, any past tragedy is soon forgotten when you're being chased by a murderer. I can hear it now, "Aaah! He sliced my arm! It reminds me of the time young Bobby scraped his elbow! Aaaiiieeee! He's trying to kill me!! I sure miss little Bobby." Another aspect of this argument is that a bad relationship probably wouldn't affect someone's request for help: "Someone help me! No, not you! We're still fighting!" But I give it 7 outta 10.
Masters of Horror: Valerie on the Stairs
Here’s the premise. An unsuccessful author takes refuge from failure in a decrepit apartment building left in trust for failing writers. The protagonist sees a nude woman on the stairs and approaches. After several conversations, the protagonist learns that this girl is enslaved by a demon. In investigating the girl-- and her relationship potential-- the protagonist discovers several other authors are working together to create a novel. What they write comes true, and thus they created the girl and the demon.
I preferred this story when entitled In the Mouth of Madness… or when candied up as The Neverending Story. Anyway, the demon starts killing off the authors until our protagonist must destroy it. Do I need to say more, or are you already laughing? If not, the actors’ attempts at making this seem real will make you guffaw quite hardily. Christopher Lloyd can’t help this failure, and neither can the multiple appearances of the nude girl. It just wasn’t good. The story was overly simplistic and heavily borrowed from more familiar works. It’ll remind you of ‘80s cheese horrors. Oh and the effects were horrible. I give it a 3 outta 10.
I preferred this story when entitled In the Mouth of Madness… or when candied up as The Neverending Story. Anyway, the demon starts killing off the authors until our protagonist must destroy it. Do I need to say more, or are you already laughing? If not, the actors’ attempts at making this seem real will make you guffaw quite hardily. Christopher Lloyd can’t help this failure, and neither can the multiple appearances of the nude girl. It just wasn’t good. The story was overly simplistic and heavily borrowed from more familiar works. It’ll remind you of ‘80s cheese horrors. Oh and the effects were horrible. I give it a 3 outta 10.
Perfect Creature
...but not nearly a perfect feature. Once again we have a story that promises to take us in one direction, but the writer or director throws a pick and we’re forced into an entirely different direction. Ahem, apparently this is a “nice” vampire picture, where vampires act in appreciated governance of what seem to be illiterate humans in some hodgepodge of incongruous eras from the first half of our 20th century. Ergo, you have to wonder if the film is set in a distant time in the past, perhaps some period in the future, or maybe in some alternate universe a la Star Trek (Ugh). Then there’s the story.
Vampires have lost the ability to procreate, so chemistry is used to alleviate this natural pressure. A potential serum goes wrong, and an almost rabid vampire results. He’s so strong, such a perfect creature, that his brother can kick his wazoo with only minimal to medium effort. Really, every plot-twist and story device acts independently to tear away any believability. We sit before the screen ready to believe in a premise, but faith only carries so far in the face of a story’s self-destruction.
The acting wasn’t bad, per se, but not great, either. The movie doesn’t give any answers, and doesn't really hint at the questions for which we seek the answers. This is due to a lack of background. We have no real paradigm and so don’t know the rules. But the movie simply shrugs away our attempts to understand. The few scenes that do make an attempt to enlighten the audience are out of synchronization with the rest of the film. They were probably shot post-production when the exec’s noticed that they the film was directionless (I realize I'm giving movie exec's too much credit).
I’m sure this will face a remake at some time in the future, where it might be improved tenfold, but right now, I give it a 5.5 outta 10. The cinematography was good, and creating a new universe-whatever-it-was had to be difficult. And after all, it passed a rainy Sunday.
Vampires have lost the ability to procreate, so chemistry is used to alleviate this natural pressure. A potential serum goes wrong, and an almost rabid vampire results. He’s so strong, such a perfect creature, that his brother can kick his wazoo with only minimal to medium effort. Really, every plot-twist and story device acts independently to tear away any believability. We sit before the screen ready to believe in a premise, but faith only carries so far in the face of a story’s self-destruction.
The acting wasn’t bad, per se, but not great, either. The movie doesn’t give any answers, and doesn't really hint at the questions for which we seek the answers. This is due to a lack of background. We have no real paradigm and so don’t know the rules. But the movie simply shrugs away our attempts to understand. The few scenes that do make an attempt to enlighten the audience are out of synchronization with the rest of the film. They were probably shot post-production when the exec’s noticed that they the film was directionless (I realize I'm giving movie exec's too much credit).
I’m sure this will face a remake at some time in the future, where it might be improved tenfold, but right now, I give it a 5.5 outta 10. The cinematography was good, and creating a new universe-whatever-it-was had to be difficult. And after all, it passed a rainy Sunday.
Blood Diamond
If you believe DeCrappio can portray a battle-hardened, South African diamond-smuggler with any degree of believability, then I have some oceanfront property for sale in Arizona. Still, I usually like to see Connelly on the screen, but her performance was equally uninspiring in this flic. Finally, the only decent performance was by Hounsou, but it didn’t come close to saving the film as his character seemed incapable of independent, individual thought, leaving the character to appear as a non-sentient being.
This was just another film pandering to social concerns about the diamond trade in Africa. But I believe many will still venture forth to various jewelry stores for engagement rings just after watching the film. “Clean” diamonds represent another advertisement like “organic” foods, which are simply meant to shift marketing (all foods contain carbon and are, therefore, organic. But idiots and hippies are just another demographic for corporate marketing). Another frustration is that the real diamond markets aren’t explored. It’s simply a film about pirates vying for the same treasure, just for different motivations leading back to a single “life’s tough” perspective and resultant selfishness.
I wasn’t too impressed. If you want the realities of the diamond trade, then do some personal research from citable sources rather than relying on a sensationalized story about one character—DeCrappio. Ah, the tragedy of the commons. However, if you seek justification for guilty feelings and tears arising from a glamorization of the social conditions arising from diamonds found in Africa, get this movie. I give it a 5 outta 10 for the scenery and the blame placed so squarely on the demand curve of G4 nations for the wrong reasons. Make that a 4.5 since DeCrappio sucks so much. [Ed.’s Note: Zeke disagrees on this one]
This was just another film pandering to social concerns about the diamond trade in Africa. But I believe many will still venture forth to various jewelry stores for engagement rings just after watching the film. “Clean” diamonds represent another advertisement like “organic” foods, which are simply meant to shift marketing (all foods contain carbon and are, therefore, organic. But idiots and hippies are just another demographic for corporate marketing). Another frustration is that the real diamond markets aren’t explored. It’s simply a film about pirates vying for the same treasure, just for different motivations leading back to a single “life’s tough” perspective and resultant selfishness.
I wasn’t too impressed. If you want the realities of the diamond trade, then do some personal research from citable sources rather than relying on a sensationalized story about one character—DeCrappio. Ah, the tragedy of the commons. However, if you seek justification for guilty feelings and tears arising from a glamorization of the social conditions arising from diamonds found in Africa, get this movie. I give it a 5 outta 10 for the scenery and the blame placed so squarely on the demand curve of G4 nations for the wrong reasons. Make that a 4.5 since DeCrappio sucks so much. [Ed.’s Note: Zeke disagrees on this one]
Sword of Doom
Anyone reading more than one of my opinions might glean that I have an interest in asian and other foreign films. Much as western films, most are based in cultural precepts and traditional tales. Because American writers seem to lack the ability to do anything but update old stories I’ve already heard or seen too many times, I find myself depending on indies and foreign films for new ideas. I think that sentiment is reflected in many audiences as we see huge success in films based in comics and graphic novels. My dissertation aside, this film’s originality can’t save anyone from boredom.
The story here is that a samurai warrior carries his comrade, injured in battle, to a temple for respite from battle. The might-be-priest that welcomes this protagonist actually is a very introspective demon awaiting an opponent that can defeat him in battle. There is a good bit of philosophy dispersed throughout the film in conversational fashion, and the fight scenes are choreographed well when they too infrequently appear. But the story, simple as it is, requires a great deal of time to develop. Plus the ending arrives per a “dues ex machina” mechanism, which leaves you with mouth agape while thinking incredulously, “I waited for this?”
Naturally ,this film was better suited as a short-act drama, where the audience could be prepared to learn the backstories of the characters from mere dialogue. As well, the pace was burdening, so I give it a 4.5 outta 10.
The story here is that a samurai warrior carries his comrade, injured in battle, to a temple for respite from battle. The might-be-priest that welcomes this protagonist actually is a very introspective demon awaiting an opponent that can defeat him in battle. There is a good bit of philosophy dispersed throughout the film in conversational fashion, and the fight scenes are choreographed well when they too infrequently appear. But the story, simple as it is, requires a great deal of time to develop. Plus the ending arrives per a “dues ex machina” mechanism, which leaves you with mouth agape while thinking incredulously, “I waited for this?”
Naturally ,this film was better suited as a short-act drama, where the audience could be prepared to learn the backstories of the characters from mere dialogue. As well, the pace was burdening, so I give it a 4.5 outta 10.
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