The Abandoned

Well, this is the film that one the After Dark Horrorfest in 2006, When I ask myself how this trash could have won, I can only conceive of a few, limited scenarios: (1) nepotism; (2) judges received sexual favors; (3) the judges and producers were one and the same; and/or (4) death threats. By now, you've probably guessed my opinion of this exercise in trite boredom, but I'll continue anyway (so I can here myself talk).

The story is one of those with potential never realized… even when using one's imagination while reading the script—on drugs. The idiosyncrasies were frustratingly common and obvious. The story itself, when finally reaching the end, made no real sense. Perhaps the target audience was some pagan cult. Either way, the director is an obvious fan of David Lynch, but without things like artistry or talent. The acting was subpar, and the dim lighting couldn't overcome it. The anxiety you may experience from trailers is only available during the trailers. Everything in between those highlights should have been left on the cutting room floor. Those are really the high points. Aside fom that, the film really is… boring. It seems too stylistic in an attempted European or "film noir" manner, perhaps, but without succeeding. I would say, "You'll know what I mean when you see it," but I don't want to inspire you to waste cash on even a one-night rental. Seriously, I wouldn't even borrow this from a friend.

Overall, it gets a 1.5 outta 10. Normally, I'll grant 0.5 points because something's in the horror genre, and I naturally allot 0.5 because some idiot invested time in a given film's creation. That's a 1 outta 10 for breathing. In this film, there was one effect that wasn't bad, so to avoid bashing this rip-off completely, I gave that a 0.5 designation. There you go, 1.5.